The story of a car affair that was never consummated, despite my best intentions
There I was, wondering about cheap alternatives to my FR-S, after blowing up a stock engine in Laguna Seca. It sounds more glorious than it was. Waiting for the tow truck the brain gave itself 2 problems – How to fix the FRS and what to get after to keep an active track hobby still on.
Having read the illustrious pages of the Drive from time to time (blame Peter Holderith), the idea must’ve invaded my dark part of my brain like a stomach virus hitches a ride in a bad burrito from a sketchy Taco Bell.
The option for the cheap replacement I was considering certainly had great bonafides – Fastest FWD car in Germany’s Nurburgring once upon a long time. Launch control, a Limited Slip Differential, Brembo brakes. A turbocharged engine of 260HP that could be tuned higher. And it was kinda cheap – A Craigslist one-owner 2009 Cobalt SS Turbo coupe showed up. A 5 speed I know well, same as a Saab Viggen. The price was a tolerable $4,500. With 150K miles. Pics looked decent 6 ft away..
A 45 min drive later, there it was. A few body panels losing the clearcoat. Yes, the Cobalt’s SS interior is as bad as the cheapest version Cobalt. The front bumper lip was chewed out for being way too low. But the launch control worked, and we both tested it. I checked the rear fenders for the common rotting problems, but it was fine. The pops the engine does sound cool when launching. Interior was clean and not leather. The wing was off, which meant better rear, visibility. Only mods were Injen intercooler pipes. Tires were mismatched rears and fronts but made sense. Guy selling it just had bought a Manual Chevy SS. Sold. It made the drive back without issue. So far, so good.
I didn’t publicize my purchase right away. Wanted to have it running well, maybe even fix the tired looks.
Annoying point #1 – the other genetic material this car shares with Saab is the useless cupholders. In the Cobalt, they are in front of the gear shifter, and are so shallow than a medium size coffee could spill in a sudden start or turn. Completely useless. Hmmm. Oh well.
I had booked a non-competitive autocross session held at Sonoma Raceway paddock a month ahead. One does many runs, just running laps over and over. After upgrading brake pads, fluids, I went there to test the Cobalt SS – which was the only American car there until a Tesla arrived. In the sea of Hondas, BMWs, 370s, Porsches, etc… this proud child of Bob Lutz had to represent the family’s honor.
And that it did. However, it took some chaos, brought by the car. A combination of oversteer, some bad alignment that was made evident there, and the tires were too hard, too old. To the untrained eye, I looked cool sliding and drifting the car in wide turns. However, the truth was the chaos of bad tires, bad alignment, and too much power was to blame for the results. It was fun, I knew this was the last appearance of these tires, so I didn’t care. I used launch control at every start and made the engine make its fun noises.
But…after maybe the second session, suddenly the gas gauge looked near empty? I stopped right at the start and went to gas up instead…but it only took 4 gallons in. Lazy pump level sensor? I did another session but the gas gauge was all over the place, until it went all the way down and stayed there. I stopped there and decided to drive back. Had potential, sure. But needed work.
On the way home, the ‘low coolant’ alert appeared. I stopped, checked, but seemed just a tad below. (and the engine was too hot to open the coolant reservoir, anyway) However to see your engine temp, you don’t have a gauge. Instead is a sub-menu in the cluster that would reset back to odometer after a while, so I had to find it again. I drove the hour back home monitoring the temp that way and the miles left in the tank. Why does a performance car not have this in the cluster?
I saw online that there was a software recall for Cobalt SSs that had my symptoms. But apparently mine wasn’t covered. Stealership wanted $1,200 for a fuel pump replacement (apparently in the Cobalt SS, the fuel level sensor and fuel pump are one unit) Screw that. I found the fuel pump on ebay, and was planning to do it, when I discovered, that for the Cobalt SS, that requires dropping the tank and moving the exhaust around. There is no other easier access (??) so I let a shop do it. Parts and Labor was $680. So, maybe victory?
No, because 2 days later the car threw a CEL (and that restricts boost) I checked myself, to find out the code was related to the throttle body. I thought, OK, this I can do, clean it, put it back, easy, right?…but no. The throttle is under the plenum and required work from underneath and to disconnect the intercooler just to remove it. I gave up there, and I told the shop, ok do it.
Then the shop called. The Achilles heel of these cars had shown up – The Intercooler in the Cobalt SS suffers of 2 stupid design flows: It is positioned way too low, and the mortal sin, the ends that connect to the pipes are made of…plastic. Great idea, GM. Was glass an option? Duct tape? The intercooler corner had a huge cracked opening, and that’s what gunked the throttle body. The shop tried to seal it, but it was a hail mary pass that obviously didn’t work. So I now needed to find an intercooler, and that would be it, right? Right?
Well, the Cobalt SS intercooler is only compatible with the HHR SS, since they use the same engine, and even the distant cousins from Saturn and Pontiac didn’t have one either. There were no lower-price alternatives in the aftermarket. A Saab one seemed to be too thick based on forum people who tried that. There were only 2 aftermarket with non-oem intercoolers, and they were both higher than $600! The GM one (with still the plastic ends) was $380, but I refused to but another OEM one. I tried on facebook but three people in a row ghosted me when they told me they were selling a good used aftermarket intercooler. This took 2 months.
At the end of my wits, I looked in car-part.com and found one from an HHR with low mileage and a much more reasonable $100 shipped. I ordered it and planned to replace it and sell the car. I was getting tired. I was on month 4 of ownership and had only one autocross run to show for it.
However, I got lucky and the intercooler that arrived was the aftermarket one that costs $600! I thought this good-will gesture from the universe was good enough to let me continue this fool’s errand. I booked a cheap Laguna Seca track day and started prepping. I should’ve quit while I was ahead.
Then, I noticed, I needed tow hooks. Again, this performance car didn’t include a tow hook. Furthermore, I was to later find out, it didn’t even had that option to install! As in, no aftermarket options had one for the Cobalt and the Cobalt’s bumpers themselves had no aperture for a tow hook??? Seriously? I had less sporty cars with at minimum a spot to place a tow hook. Here there was absolutely nothing. OEM there was nothing.
I had to go deep into the forums to find out there is only one (1) company in Canada dedicated to aftermarket parts for Cobalt SS/HHR/Saturn Sky/Saturn ION – It was a humble 2-person operation, with a guy who you still have to call and leave a voicemail because the website doesn’t take online orders. After making contact, he told me, $240 to have front and rear tow hooks made by hand, the installation will require drilling them into the bumper bar. And they would take a couple of weeks. Then I had to pay a body shop to install them. And then only in the rear was possible as the replacement intercooler was on the way. Goddammit.
At this point, like a gambler who has put too much at stake, and has no choice to keep going, I still did it. The hooks arrived 3 days before the track day. I scrambled but managed to get the hooks and find much more decent Michelin tires (barely used) so I didn’t even want to total the money spent. I felt like a fool. I was just hoping the Cobalt SS would redeem itself at the track.
The day at Laguna started. But there was no happy ending. It started well. I didnt’ miss the FR-S famous torque dip. The extra turbocharged 60 horses did their job on the straight flats. But at full open throttle, it really struggles uphill. I mainly matched my FR-S times and in one single round I cut almost a second from my best time.
But then, I did only 3 sessions. Brakes nearly gave up the ghost near the start of the 3rd session. The brakes got really spongy, loose, and just a tad dangerous. There were no leaks. I waited over 2 hours to let them cooled down, but the situation was the same brake-wise – so I headed home. I also again got a low coolant alert that I had to monitor manually. Looks like the brake fluids, despite being fresh, got too hot. The oem brake lines are also too weak.
I was hoping the better tires would help, but the car still needed an alignment- Steering wheel dead center was like 15 degrees to the right and was noticeable. I was left with a bitter aftertaste. My mission had failed and I had spend too much money chasing it.
However, the decision had been made to sell the Cobalt. I didn’t want to re-do brake lines, alignment, and was hoping to avoid finding maybe a damaged steering column? Car would have to be sold.
Despite my best efforts, GM put a lot of great performance in a badly thought-out car, with too many cut corners and pennies pinched. Yes, we all know the interior is cheap, the plastics are hard, the seats are uncomfortable. But this car promises a experience it fails to deliver. Plus, how can a performance lack both aftermarket and OEM support? The choices are few out there. The lack of accessibility to parts like fuel pumps or the throttle body makes it way harder than it should be. The lack of basics like tow hook points are hard to forgive. Cobalt SS parts aren’t ‘GM’ cheap and they are hard to find. One has to be careful buying online because most Cobalt engine parts will not be compatible with the SS.
It went into FB marketplace, where after 2 months of lowball offers, someone offered $5300 to my $6400 price and I took the offer. So Caveat Emptor to those thinking a Cobalt SS could be a daily and an occasional track car. It really won’t be either.
